Nothing in Particular: Part 1 – Poetry

Have you ever wondered what was happening in various parts of the world at one given time?  Wouldn’t it be interesting to catch glimpses of people’s lives, without really knowing who they are or where they will go?  Maybe it wouldn’t mean anything to you and you’d just be a spectator.  You’d feel something, maybe connect with someone through watching them, and then the moment will pass and you’d go back to living your life.  It’ll be nothing really, nothing in particular that you’d remember or feel after the fact.

This was the idea of a poem that I wrote a few years ago, in which I had the random desire to write a poem with some nice imagery, but nothing in particular, really. =)

Nothing in Particular

Cheerful laughter in the rain,
the pure glee
of unsuppressed emotion
is the beauty
of childhood.

But boys become men
and rain turns to ice.

The thunderstorm rages,
rattling the doors
of the silent house.

A stifled laugh,
a muffled cry,
a footstep, an echo,
a silent scream
from a recurring dream.

Never ending,
the candle burns,
the water leaks.
On the floor,
bloodstains
and broken glass.
Was it a break in
or a break out?

“Breathe in,
breathe out,”
said the yoga instructor.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Two breaths become one,
A consummation of love…

“Breathe in, breathe out,”
said the doctor.
A push, a cry…

The world is vast,
and we are but a speck –
A day, a month, a year,
a moment in time –
Nothing,
nothing in particular.

When I submitted this piece for a Poetry Writing class, my professor suggested that I edit it to be more profound.  He wanted more solid images, more showing versus telling, and he wanted the ending to make more sense.  This is the revised piece.  When I first wrote it years ago, I thought it was OK, but I preferred the original better.  Now when I read it again, years later, I can appreciate how the edited poem is more literary, more professional.  However, I still prefer the original poem better because it is more of my style and captures the idea of what I was going for, which is the complete randomness of a given moment in time.  Here is the revised poem, so you can judge for yourself.

Nothing in Particular (Revised)

Rain falls on the ground,
a diagonal motion,
as flowers sprout and weeds grow,
pink worms slither on cement.

The pounding water echoes
the children’s laughter.
Boys sail paper ships
in muddy puddles,
lovers skinny-dip in the lake.
A blue and yellow night
where moonlight reflects
off matted hair, embracing flesh
and soaked clothes cling to skin.

A thunderstorm rages,
rattling the doors
of the silent house,
where the clock has stopped,
but the candle burns.
Water leaks
on the floor,
bloodstains
and broken glass.

A kaleidoscope of colors
behind closed eyes.
“Breathe in,
breathe out,”
said the yoga instructor.
Dancing stars and butterflies.
“Breathe in, breathe out,”
said the doctor.
A push, a cry…
A word is vast.

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Nothing in Particular: Part 1 – Poetry

  1. Pingback: Rose of Determination & A Place I Call Home « PrefacMe

  2. Pingback: Nothing in Particular: Part 3 – Prose | Jenuine Inspiration

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s